Subarashi

Life Changes

It seems life is in constant change.  Today I am grateful for wonderful music playing in the background while I work around the house and hopefully soon be in the "zone" in my sewing room. The best thing for me right now is that for the most part I feel at peace with life.  There is a lot to be said for forgiving people and moving forward.  That is what I have done and it is working. 

We had a wonderful celebration of my sister's 60th birthday at her very special place at the beach.  Her children and grandchildren all around to help her celebrate.  It was a wonderful time.

In August it was back to my special place, Kala.  John's sister came out for the week and it was wonderful to share it with her.  We had many walks on the beach and fun trips to town.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Kala.  Looking forward to the trip at the end of October. 

In September my beautiful former daughter-in-law (and always my daughter), remarried.  I felt very honored to be escorted down the aisle.  She deserves happiness.  The wedding was beautiful, she was gorgeous.  It was a very nice event. Her two oldest children walked her down the aisle. 

 
We are now into Fall and that means football season.  It also now means John starting new treatment for his spreading cancer.  I am hoping that he tolerates it and it helps his constant pain and will slow the growth.  There is no cure for him, just slowing down the progression.  I will be grateful for each day I have with all my family and friends.  Life changes so rapidly that it is key to enjoy the "moments".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoying Life Again

It has been another 5 months since I blogged.  Life during that time was extremely stressful and I don't like blogging when things are not right in my world.  However, the last month has been pretty good so I felt like putting it down on internet paper.

At the beginning of June I had the most amazing trip to L.A.  My sister, her daughter and I flew together to L.A. to visit with my sister's other daughter (and her husband...patient man).  It was a sister trip.  Erika had everything planned as only Erika can do.  She treated us to so many wonderful sights and food.  Adam stayed in the background and shared some wonderful meals with the four of us women, as well as taking us all to a great concert.  Some of the many highlights:..The Getty Villa, Malibu Beach, Santa Monica Pier, an overnight trip to Santa Barbara, Concert and nice visit with Adam's family in Orange County, and the Jay Leno Show.  It was all so much fun. 
 

 
We just had too much fun!  Then ten days home and it was off to Hawaii to see Josh, Becky and Ashley.  The sunshine is wonderful.  The first day we all went to a beach on the Air Force Base.  It is a great beach for kids.  Everyone enjoyed swimming.
Ashley heads straight for the water.  She loves the beach.  We all love the beach. 

  The surf was huge for 2 days near Waikiki and Sandy Beach.  We spent a day watching as the waves threw people around.  I have never seen anything like it.  The lifeguards rescued 80 people that day.  Busy. The next day was a day with Ashley at the Dole Plantation.  We went in the world's largest maze.  We came out after a half hour and Ashley said, "I am SO done with that!"  My favorite line of the day! 
We rode the train.  Ashley was so excited. 
Then we had pineapple soft serve ice cream.  A real treat!

What a wonderful JUNE!

What!! A New Post??

What does it say about me when I haven't blogged since June?  Life has had it's ups and downs.  Just when I think life is UP it goes DOWN.  I haven't had the energy to blog.  Why am I blogging now?  I have been totally stressed and very tired.  So why blog tonight?  Does NOT SURE answer that?  I have been thinking about blogging, just never getting right down and doing it.  I don't really do this for anyone but me (and possibly my sweet friend in Japan).  I guess I am feeling the need to put the last several months down on computer paper :). 

I left off in Hawaii, June 2010.  The rest of our Hawaii trip was wonderful.  I do love the beach there.  I spent more time on the beach this last trip than all the other trips together.  We had such a great time with Josh, Becky and Ashley.  Ashley turned 4 and we were able to be at her big birthday bash.  John and I had a night alone on the beach at Waikiki.  Love it there.

I enjoyed my funny dog when feeling down.

We went back to spend more money for health care in Reno in August.  Was extremely stressful in many ways.  A few good days and then many bad days.  After Reno I was able to enjoy some needed time at my favorite place, Kala.

I also enjoyed a very happy occasion in August for my niece, her pre wedding party.  My sister and others threw a wonderful party to celebrate the up coming wedding. 

 

I do enjoy all my girlfriends.  I am fortunate to have such great friends.  They help me laugh when I don't feel like it.  I have had many wonderful times with my girlfriends this year.  I am grateful for all of them.  I would never have made it through this year without them.

Trips to Olympia, fun on a Taco Bus, monthly Girl's Night, trip with Loni to Kala, plays in Seattle with Cathy, quilt trip to Spokane, dinners, lunches etc.  I am so blessed with all these wonderful ladies in my life. 

When I don't feel like I can do this another day, they make me want to go on and on so I can have many more adventures and laughs with them. 

 
In October my beautiful niece got married in Portland.  We all stayed at a gorgeous hotel and had the very best time.  My two niece's were absolutely movie star gorgeous, my sister beautiful and beaming all night.  It was really wonderful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have had wonderful times with my grandchildren.  All are growing so quickly.  It has been a hard year for my daughter-in-law trying to manage on her own with her 3 children.  I feel so sad about her situation.  I know in the end she will be stronger and have a better life.  Her smallest child, my littlest grandchild, is such a delight.  He keeps us all smiling.  I just love to be around him.  Always a character.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have had company here on and off since Thanksgiving.  Enjoyed the Hawaii family, Moses Lake family, and all the others through the holidays.  Trying to manage a full time job, company, a sick husband and all the other things have left me drained.  However, I hate to complain.  I still consider myself very blessed. 

John has been in extreme pain and has had his second high dose of radiation hoping to get rid of the pain.  We should know in the next couple of weeks.  We are off next week for a much needed week away.  Just quiet time with no real plans.  Then in February we get to go to Hawaii to see the kids again.  I can't wait.  I am trying to concentrate on the good things.  I need help with that at times so please remind me if you catch me whining too much.  THIS MUST BE A BETTER YEAR.

February through June

I am blogging from Hawaii.  The last four months have been extremely stressful but seem to be getting much better.  After Port Townsend we traveled to Chelan to our condo in February and March.  It started out to be  a great time but ended up to be one of my worst.  I don't wish to explain, only that I hit bottom.  Guess the only way to go after that would be up.  It has been long and hard but things are seeming to be better.  John had his treatment in Reno.  It was a very interesting clinic.  We both like the doctors and after thousands and thousands of dollars we are hoping for the best.  It seems like the treatment is working.  John is feeling pretty good these days.  He has stopped drinking, which helps on many levels, and is still taking tons of medications.  We go back for a following up week in August. 

I try to live second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.  After what I must admit have been my most stressful and difficult two years I am learning not to expect too much but hope for the best. 

We are currently in Hawaii visiting with Josh, Becky and Ashley.  After no sun for months and months in Washington, it is wonderful to spend time in the sun! 

  
 

Yesterday John and Josh, while we were at the beach at Hickam, went out in a kayak.  I went with John after they got back in.  It was windy but fun.  After we got home from the beach John and I were able to spend some time alone and go up to the North Shore.  I love the North Shore.  It was nice to get out together for a little while.

We have been enjoying our time here.  The weather is beautiful, of course.  It is wonderful to spend time with Ashley as she gets ready to turn four.

I love the North Shore!

This morning the boys were up at 4 am to go deep sea fishing.  Windy today so should prove to be an experience for both of them.  I am trying to decide if I go to the beach again with Becky and Ashley and her neighbors or stay and relax.  I am leaning for relaxing as we have busy days ahead.

 

Where Have I Been?

I know that I said I would blog more after my last blog.......didn't happen!  I just don't seem to find the time or energy it takes to sit down long enough to blog. 

Life has had it's ups and downs, as usual, but I seem to be getting through it.  Christmas was nice.  New Year's Eve was okay, work has been..well..work, and family times have been fun and stressful.  Does that sum up the time between blogs?  I seem to do it best with pictures.  So here goes

Christmas was filled with family.  We had Josh, Becky, Ashley, Michael and Lisa spend the night and wake up for Christmas morning.  Then a great dinner over at my sister's house with grandson Josh joining us, and my two nieces!

 

We had a long weekend of fun with 2 daughter-in-laws and 4 grandchildren.  We played hard, went to Kendra's to ride horses (best time ever!) and just had a lot of loving time!  I brought Karina and her kids over on the train.  Because she was by herself with three kids they took them on a cart to the train.  It was great fun for all the kids.  The train trip home was a long one.  The train was stopped for hours and it took them an entire night to get home. 

We just returned home from a week in Port Townsend at Kala Point.  This time John even went with me. We had the kids come for the weekend.  It was so much fun.  We did beach walks, played chess (not me), made smores, and went to town.  I think the kids enjoyed it as much as we did.  The rest of the week I enjoyed 2 to 4 walks with the dog a day.  The dog loves it at Kala because she gets so much attention and she loves the long walks to the beach and on the beach.  John and I spent time in town enjoying the coffee shops and a couple of our favorite bars.  We went to the movies (I love the theater there) and took a few walks around town. 

Back to the real world of work and responsibility this week.  However, in two weeks we leave again for Chelan and then shortly after that to Reno.  However, Reno is not a trip for fun.  John will be entering a program for patients with advanced, agressive cancer.  He will be there for 3 to 4 weeks undergoing daily treatments.  I will go with him for the first week, then come back and work and then back to Reno.  Keeping my fingers crossed that this will increase John's life span here with us and that he will get some pain relief. 

I will try to be a better blogger...no promises.   

 
 
 
  
 

Two Months of No Blogging

I have had a very hard time getting the energy to blog.  John trip went on forever and I sunk into a slight depression.  I tried to stay busy with friends ( I have the best friends) and of course I worked a great deal. 

I enjoyed a get together of the Ram Ladies.  My sister made us all have a good belly laugh.  It was much needed for this Ram Lady! 

Sadie and I went through Halloween with John.  I had wanted to get her a pumpkin outfit and John had told me that he didn't think I should dress up the dog.  WELL, since he wasn't home to care about it I picked up this mailman outfit just for him!  He was a mailman/postmaster...so there!! I took Sadie over to my sisters for some trick or treat fun and then sat lonely at my house for about 15 kids.  One little boy went running up the driveway yelling, "Mom, they have a mailman dog in there".  Sadie did love greeting all the kids at the door.

 I enjoyed a fall afternoon with Michael, Lisa and Payton.  We walked in the fall leaves and did a little bowling!  It was a nice distraction.  It was good to spend time with them and get out of my lonely home.  I love having them so close now.

Brianna and Eve came down for the day of cabbage making.  Our holiday meal tradition is being past down to two more generations. 

John finally came home.  He was gone for over 6 weeks.  He most of the time seems in better spirits and has been much better about expressing his feelings to me.  This has been a hard struggle and I know it isn't  going to be fun.  But for now, we are starting have more fun and I see pieces of the old John back.

Helga stopped in before Thanksgiving.  She flew in from Alaska and was on her way to see her daughter in the mid west.

We had our Thanksgiving meal at Michael and Lisa's house.   They prepared a wonderful meal.  It was very relaxing going to their home and having a small crowd.  Two nights later they treated us to a night out at the theater to see A Christmas Story put on at the Tacoma Little Theater.  It was so much fun.

Three generations of Hahn boys. 

There has been a lot of things happening in our lives as late.  There have been other sad news in our family this fall.  I am crushed by it and trying hard to understand it all.  My son decided he did not want to be in his marriage.  My daughter-in-law is so devastated.  I was in shock.  I thought they would be together for ever.  I still hope that he will change his mind and go back.  The holidays have been tough on my daughter-in-law and the kids.  I cried myself to sleep last night about it.  With that note...I will blog about the good part of December and Christmas before the end of the month.

Life does have many ups and downs.  I am hoping the new year has many UP times. 

Adjusting

I am getting close to three weeks alone and trying to adjust.  I know that I have been alone longer, his bike ride was 9 weeks.  However, that was a different time.  John wasn't sick and he called me a million times a day.  I am doing better and this week I am extremely busy.  That helps.

Last Wednesday I went with two women from my bookclub to my favorite place near where I lived for several years, Third Place Books.  We went for a discussion with 5 authors and they talked about their books as well as bookclub ideas.  It was fabulous.  I had read books by 4 of the authors. 

They were so funny.  Such a great group.

I did keep very busy over this past weekend with coffee out with my sister and a friend, going to a Halloween party, making pumpkin bouquets, and visiting my son and family. 

This week is filled with fun.  Yesterday was Ram Lady Birthdays.  That is always such a great time.  We had wonderful food and tons of laughter.  It was just what I needed.  I always look forward to getting together and getting updates.  Such a fun group of women.  What would I do without my women friends?  I do cherish them.

Tomorrow is book club and I am excited for that.  It is another good group of women and always nice to get together to chat about the book and of course other things!  We always have a good book discussion, not to mention a great treat to eat! 

I am excited about Thursday night!  It is my 5th Ave Theater night with my friend Cathy.  We have season tickets and we BOTH need a good distraction.  She has been going through some tough times herself.  Both of us can hardly wait to escape to Seattle to a good musical production!

All in all I can say I am adjusting, trying very hard to look for the positives. 

One Day at a Time

It seems like forever that John said goodbye and hit the road for places unknown.  I am trying to adjust to life alone and not doing a very good job at it.  No matter where we were in the world, John and I have always talked on the phone at least once a day, usually more.  When I was in Japan, we spoke two times a day.  The only time we missed talking to each other was if one of us was on a plane or he was on a mountain.  After 3 days of nothing I took to the phone, texting him saying all I needed was a text that said safe.  Finally..word that he was okay.  Still have not talked on the phone, but the periodic updates by text have helped.  It is like he is giving a practice run at what life will be like for me when he is no longer here.  I can say........I do not like it.  When you have spent over a quarter of a century with someone, they become a part of you.  It is hard to function without them.  I am hoping he won't be gone long and then we can start to enjoy life and the time left together.

I am trying to keep busy with family and friends.  Took a drive to Moses Lake for Kelden's first birthday.  I was so happy to have granddaughter Payton with me on the trip so that I wouldn't cry all the way over and back.  She was great company

It was a great day.  However, Kelden missed his grandpa!  This past week I mostly just worked, came home and cried and then tried to read or watch TV.  Poor Sadie was feeling so ignored.  Wednesday night was Girl's Night at Auntie Kay's.  Always nice to get together with her and celebrate birthdays.  It is her birthday this week and was Kendra's birthday last week.  Thursday I took the day off work.  My sister walked over to the house for coffee.  She is retired so has a lot of free time.  I met Brianna for lunch at one of my favorite Kirkland spots to treat her to a late birthday lunch.  We spent time walking around the town I love and miss.

I have always loved all the art in Kirkland.  This one looks so much better with a pretty girl behind it!

As for the rest of this week and weekend....really mundane.  I have cleaned carpets and closets.  Fun! I really end up making a bigger mess as I clean!   I did manage to take Sadie on a walk today since it is not raining. 

I am trying to appreciate the small things, such as the gorgeous colors of fall and all the pumpkin fields near my home. 

 

Hoping this week will be easier. 

Alone

Alone.  It is how I feel most of the time.   I know many of my friends would say that I am never alone, that I have so many loving friends and family members.  It is true.  I do have many and for that I am grateful.  I still feel alone. 

I recently had the chance to spend a few days at my Aunt's condo near Port Townsend.  I went alone.  My husband did not feel like going anyplace, even this place that he loves.  I packed the car and the dog and we went anyway. Aone. I cried a lot thinking that I was looking into my future...me alone. 

Thank goodness for my dog.  She loved the new adventure.  Our daily routine consisted of morning coffee and the Today Show.  We followed that by at least 1 to 2 hours of walking the trails and the beach. Back to the condo for lunch or snack and we would head for town.  I couldn't leave her in the condo alone because she had anxiety and started to howl and cry.  I left her in the car while I walked the shops alone.  After a little browsing I would return to the car and walk the dog around town.  She was a hit with the people in town and loved all the attention. 
After our town adventures we would return to the condo for reading and Sadie napping.  Before dark Sadie and I would walk to a field a few blocks away to play ball for about a half hour.  She was a spoiled dog!  I would spend the night watching TV or reading. 

It sounds like a nice life, right?   Well for 2 days it was okay.  But by Thursday morning I was very bored with myself.  I can only read and walk the dog alone so much.  By the afternoon I packed the car and came home a day early. 

Kala is beautiful.  It is peaceful.  I appreciated the time away, yet would have enjoyed it more if my husband had been there.  It is hard to explain what this cancer has done to him and to us.  I miss him.  I miss us.  I guess I will miss him more soon since he has decided to do a road trip to nowhere (he doesn't have a destination).  He will be gone he says from 3 to 8 weeks.  He doesn't know.  He feels like he is losing himself, his essence, what makes him John with this cancer.  He wants to take his bike and go, without contact from friends or family.  I only had one condition...take his cellphone.  He wasn't going to take a cellphone.  He doesn't want to be in contact and I will respect that.  I want to be supportive, but no contact will be very difficult for me.  I used to like my time alone.  I now really hate that word.  ALONE.  

Staying Focused on Family

Life has been extremely stressful the past several weeks.  The challenges that have been thrown my way are sometimes too hard to bear, let alone explain.  Through it all I am trying hard to enjoy family events, trying harder at understanding what my husband must be feeling as he goes through his journey (which is also mine) with cancer, trying to forgive when it is difficult, and working hard at finding at least one joy in each day. 

Enjoying the beautiful young women who were celebrating the upcoming wedding of my former student (beautiful one in the center).  The wedding is this weekend.  I am planning to attend and to wish this incredible young woman much love and happiness in her new life.

 

Then there is always Sadie.  She is a constant source of laughter.  Laughter is sometimes in short supply these day in my home.  Sadie makes me laugh or at least smile once a day.  I am not sure what I would do without this dog in my life!

 

Family enjoying a festival by the mountain.  We enjoyed food, watching Payton rock climb, eating ice cream, listening to good music, seeing famous climbers, and on this hot day...running through the sprinkler!  Even my husband got into it. 

 

Running a local race with family.  John ran the 5K. I was so proud of him.  His cancer is painful but he ran hard!  Michael ran the 10K and did a super job. Payton and Mom, Lisa, ran the 1K.  Payton did so well she made her school goal for the week to run 2 miles.  She did it!!

 

My son, Josh, was promoted in the Navy to Chief this past week.  John and I were so proud of him.  He had a nice turn out for his ceremony.  It was an emotional, special day.

The two brothers and Josh's little girl...this is one of my favorite photos of the day.

A trip to Moses Lake to see Nathan and Karina's children.  Thomas was playing a football game!   He had a great tackle!

I also enjoyed seeing Kelden and Adyline.  Kelden will soon be one!

They are both so beautiful. 

This was a fun day with the kids. However, a gift to my sweet daughter-in-law has caused some trouble of late.  Just one more stress in an already stressful life.

 

 

 

 

 

We had a birthday party for Josh at Michael and Lisa's house.  It was a fun day up until the last hour.  Just more stress.  I am trying hard to concentrate on the positive aspects of the day. 

I am recovering from a bike accident that left me with painful rib injuries, an accident with the dog (that left me with foot injuries) and now a cold. 

However, my theme....stay focused on the positive.  I am trying!

 

Many Things

I just have not had the energy to post anything on my blog.  Not sure I have the energy now after getting hhome at 6:45 and trying to give the dog a bath.  I now remember why I pay to have it done!  I thought I should at least post a few photos of all the things that have been happening in this life of mine.

I did get to spend some time with sweet Erika and her friends.  She was up for a work/visit before the fourth of July.  It is always wonderful to see her.  She seems to be enjoying her life with manfriend Adam, as well as her life in L.A.  She and her partner Erin are doing a wonderful job with Global Daughter.  It is starting to take off in all parts of the U.S. these days.  I am going to another party on Saturday hosted by one of my friends (we have been friends since elementary school).  Looking forward to it.  Erika and Erin are two beautiful, talented, and giving people. 

I also was able to enjoy some much needed time with my good friend Helga.  She moved to Alaska (darn her) and was on her way back to Alaska via Wisconsin.  She managed an overnight stop on the 4th of July.  We enjoyed drinks and fireworks from our deck.  It was a great night.  I wish she lived back in her condo in Puyallup.  I could always count on her for a good talk and a good cup of coffee.

John went away to Montana to see family and watch Michael run his first marathon.  I decided that it was time to put this large kitchen island together while he was away.  It had been in a box for over 2 years waiting for my husband to assemble.  I pushed 3 heavy boxes up the stairs.  Opened the boxes and got the instructions out. The first line said, "Need two people to assemble".  Ha...Well, there was only me and six hours later I had a beautiful kitchen island.  The oak top was the hardest to do on my own, but I did it!  It does look gorgeous and I needed the extra space.  Who needs men!  Really! 

John was turning 62 so decided to celebrate when 2 of the 3 boys were coming to enjoy the lake.  We have had very hot weather here (90 to 107 for a week) so everyone wants to hang out at the lake.  We had a nice time fishing, boating and of course eating.  Ashley had to show us what she called her "mean daddy face".  So funny.  She and Sadie had a wonderful time together.  They will miss each other when they move back to Hawaii in the fall or winter.  Boo. 

Have spent some time around a few horses lately.  My partner, Jamie, is looking at a field where a tenant had some horses.  He was not to have any horses on the property.  On a surprise drive by inspection...oops... there they are...busted.  Those darn property management people!  Had a nice day at my cousin Kendra's mini farm.  Here is a picture of her with one of her many horses. 

At the end of July I took my girlfriend, Cathy, and my sister and her friend to Girls Night Out at the Windmill.  It was very warm out but still a very nice time shared with very nice people.  I will remember it as the night I thought I might choke to death.  I should learn how to chew and swallow with a swollen gland!  Jo John and his son, Michael, decided to ride their bikes from Puyallup to Seaside.  It is over 200 miles.  They took two days and had a wonderful adventure.  Michael's wife, Lisa, went early on Friday to get a campsite set up for them.  She is much nicer than I am...I don't camp in tents.  I really like a door I can lock!   I went to my sister's cabin for a couple hours and then headed down to the beach.  I was going to sleep in the Xtera but my husband convinced me to get a room.  So happy I did since I spent the first night very sick.  The next day was the volleyball tournament.  When we lived there (it is where I met my husband) we never missed one and for many years after we left we returned for volleyball.  However, we stopped going several years ago because it got too big and there were too many drunks.  I watched a little volleyball and went in the ocean.  Left Seaside late afternoon leaving them to continue with volleyball and sleeping in tents in the RAIN.  I had coffee on the way out of town with the daughter of a friend.  I hadn't seen her in many years.  It was very, very nice.  Drove to my sister's beach cabin and continued to have a glorious time.  She is working hard on her little piece of paradise.  The morning was wonderful and we had a long long beach walk. 

Tired of looking at pictures and reading yet?  I guess I should try to blog more often!  Just a couple more.

This is the church where John and I got married in 1985.

I did a walk down memory lane this last weekend. 

Ok...promise to blog more often or not at all!